After having read THIS post and THIS post, I have decided to blog about my bookshelves. Random, I know, but compared to the other two people who have done this, I don’t actually have very many books, simply because I’m not that big a reader anymore (!!) but the ones I do have I am rather a big fan of.

A couple of "favourites", which may or may not be visible are A Gathering Light, by Jennifer Donnelly and Digging to America by Anne Tyler, the latter of which I managed to read in its entirety on the day I was given it! I don’t know about you, but I don’t do that very often! :) Bookshelf #2 has even fewer books than Bookshelf #1!

This is where all my bigger books live, the ones that are too large to fit on the other shelf. Other than that, pictures and photo albums, Hello Kitty stuff, some scrapbooking supplies (my favourite kind of book!), a large green fuzzy monster puppet and my jewellery box/mini mirror live here. The thing in the bottom left-hand corner of the photo is the top of a lamp on my desk btw, I just realised how extremely weird it looks! :P

A few days ago I was blog-hopping when I discovered a situation that made me think. A lot. I’m not going to share the blog I read it on, or reveal the names of the people involved, since I don’t want them to come and visit me and feel awful because I’m being negative and judgemental about their circumstances, which I’m sure are very difficult for them, but their situation made me think so much I want to post a series of facts about it to see what your opinion is.

• Mr and Mrs Smith have two biological sons in their early teens.
• Some time ago they decided they wanted to adopt two school-aged children from overseas.
• The adoption process was completed, the children joined the family just over a year ago and appeared to be settling in well.
• Earlier this year they began to experience what they described as extremely difficult behaviour from their new son.
• He was placed in a special education environment where he would receive assistance in dealing with the serious problems he has.
• The counselling and assistance appeared to be helping him.
• However, recently, Mrs Smith blogged that she and her husband had decided that his behaviour was enough of an issue to justify their dissolving the adoption and placing the boy with another family – in simple terms, they unadopted him.
• They made arrangements for another couple, with no other children, to adopt the boy and the day before Mr and Mrs Smith were to deliver him to his new parents, they spoke to their other three children and told them individually what was going to happen to their brother. Their responses to this were not discussed in any great detail on the blog, but it was implied that they were positive.
• The boy in question was not told anything of what was going to happen to him. The reason they gave for this was that they had to fly to get to where his new parents lived, and they were concerned about what his reaction/behaviour would be on the plane (and how they would control him) if he knew.
• Yesterday, Mrs. Smith blogged about what had happened and said that she and her husband had taken their son to his new parents and again, told him nothing about it until they were at the place the two families had agreed to meet.
• The boy had a complete meltdown upon finding out what was going on, and it took all four adults to physically bundle the child into his new parents car.
• No more updates have been posted on the blog at this time.
• All the comments Mrs. Smith has received on her blog have been positive and supportive in nature.

When I read this I didn’t know what to think. I suppose I can see both sides of the issue, but even that doesn’t help me form an opinion!

On one hand, yes, the boy probably does have some severe behavioural/psychological difficulties and although his adoptive parents tried to help him overcome these, they were genuinely unable to do so, and felt that the best option was to find him some new parents (with no other children, so he would be an only child, as opposed to one of four) who might be able to better help him. The Smiths did blog that this was not an easy decision to make and that their whole family was absolutely devastated that it had come to this. It was clearly much more than their simply saying "You’re too difficult to raise, we don’t want you anymore".

On the other hand, so far as I know, once one is adopted, one is considered "as if born to" the adoptive parents. In my case, my birth certificate was even amended to list my adoptive parents as my mother and father. If a child "born to" a couple experienced, for whatever reason, the same issues as this boy, what would his parents have done? I highly doubt they would have had him adopted out. They would have accepted that although he is far from perfect and has serious issues, he’s still their son, and they are his parents, and are not only legally, but morally responsible to be the ones to help him overcome the issues.

I suppose you could say that the Smiths ARE helping him, and are doing this in the form of dissolving their adoption of him and arranging for a readoption by another couple, but why then, is this never the solution chosen by biological families of troubled adolescents? Yes, they might send their offspring to a residential care facility or respite care, but to go so far as to completely terminate their parental rights would be unheard of.

What is your opinion of this situation? What would you do/have done if you were…

• Mr or Mrs Smith?
• The boy in question?
• One of the siblings of the boy, in particular the older girl who was adopted at the same time as him.
• His new parents, if you discovered he still had the same difficulties living in your home as he had with his previous family?

NB: If, for whatever reason, you know the blog I am referring to, please do not reveal it in your comment. I want this to be about the situation, and not the specific individuals.