This "series" was originally going to be weekly, but since it’s gotten off to such a good start I figured why wait until next week!? :P

I have to say that I was surprised by the various religious beliefs held by people who commented on the last post! I have been visited by SO many different "kinds" of people that I can tell that discussions are going to be really interesting! I hope everyone who has visited so far keeps coming back! :D

Following on from asking you what you believe, I’m curious to know how you came to believe it. I know some people have already mentioned this, but I’m interested in hearing how you developed the beliefs you hold, especially if you came to to them as an adult and they differ significantly from the ones held by your family when you were a child.

Personally, I wasn’t raised in a religious family, although I think if you asked my parents what they believed, they’d say they believed in the Christian God, or in some kind of higher power anyway. It’s not something we really discuss. They both attended church regularly as young people and met as a result of attending the same congregation. I went to a Christian (Anglican) intermediate and high school (From age 11 to 18)¹, but although we had regular chapel services, the environment was very liberal, and I never felt pigeonholed into one particular belief system or a sense of having been told "Because you are a student here, it is a given that you believe X. Dare to believe Y and you won’t fit in".

As I already said in a reply to a comment on the previous post, I’m kind of sad that I didn’t develop an interest in religion while I was still at high school. It would have been an interesting environment to contemplate in. The chaplains there were very personable and I imagine they would have been very open to discussing this kind of thing.

Although Brooke (who went to school with me) commented that at time she did convince herself that she believed in God while at school, I don’t remember ever doing this. While I don’t recall being entirely convinced in the other direction either, I never felt any "connection" with the faith-based activities I took part in. I was always left thinking "Even if all of these things are true, as a whole, they make no sense, this does not compute!"

Right! Enough about me, I am interested to hear about you! I want to know lots of different things, but I’m especially curious about people who came from a similar background to me. How did you make the connection I never seemed to?

- Faith Questions I: What do you believe?

1. I didn’t choose to go there for a religious reason, but because my parents believed the standard of education would be higher and I would be less likely to experience bullying, which had been a serious problem for me at primary school. Ironically though, I was still bullied at this particular school, right up until my last year, but that’s a story for another post, and absolutely zilch to do with religion! [↩]

Ok. Since I have nothing else exciting to blog about today (This weekend has been good, and busy, but not terribly blog-worthy) I figured it’s a good time to start writing about, and encouraging other people to write about, personal beliefs and faith.

Like someone else (Rebecca?) suggested, I want to start by asking everybody what they believe (Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Non-religious etc) so I know who’s actually reading this and don’t end up aking questions and discussing things nobody is interested in.

Personally, I come under the umbrella of "Non-religious", but that’s a post for another day! :)

I KNOW I said the next thing I was going to post was going to be something related to the religion/Christianity stuff I promised to write about, but I got a comment this morning that struck me as important enough to interrupt my plans.

A couple of months ago I got an email from a blogger who is seeking to adopt, and, on noticing on my sidebar that I am adopted, asked whether I would be willing to talk to her about being adopted, and my experiences with this issue. We emailed back and forward a few times and I HOPE I helped her! :D

This morning I got another comment, this time from a lady who had given her daughter up for adoption. She also asked me about my adoption experiences, and said that although she’d looked through some of my posts, she hadn’t found much about it. Rather than send her basically the same email I sent to this first person, I figured it’d be easier to just post some stuff here, for any interested parties to read.

I know some people might be surprised that I’ve suddenly taken to posting such very personal stuff on here, but, oddly, I don’t see this as such. It’s just part of who I am, not at all embarassing, and since I have no intention of disclosing the details of other people involved, it’s my story to tell, and if it can be helpful to anybody else along the way, then that’s worthwhile. I suppose my openness about this stems from the way I was raised, which in itself says a great deal! :)

Anyway, here’s my exchange with the first person who contacted me. Some details and questions have been edited slightly to protect her family’s privacy, but otherwise, everything is pretty well as it was when I initially sent it. :)

I was born in September 1987, and although I don’t think my birthmother’s side of the story is very relevant (and nor is it mine to tell) I will say that she was not married to my biological father and that is part of the reason I was adopted out. Now I am an adult, I sometimes wonder why, considering her circumstances, she carried me to term at all, when an abortion would have been much easier, and more logical. I don’t know whether she had any religious beliefs that influenced this. I do not have any, and nor do my adoptive family, but for obvious reasons I am opposed to abortion, and adoption is an issue very important to me.

I’m not familiar with the way American adoption works, but mine was handled by CYFS (Children, Young Person and Family Services). Between my birth and official adoption I was in foster care while receiving medical treatment. I also believe that int he late 1980s there was a law in NZ that imposed a waiting period of several days/weeks before a bio parent’s rights can be terminated and an adoptive parents rights begin. I do not know whether this is still the case at present.

My adoptive parents were 40 and 41 when I was adopted, and I am an only child. This has never been an “issue” for me, as of course I have never known any different!

Although as an adult I do not have any “special needs”, I was born with a medical condition which was expected to affect me a great deal more than it actually has (Whole other story, has not affected me at all, really). To be honest I don’t actually know whether this classified me as a “disabled child” for the purposes of my adoption or not, but I wouldn’t be surprised either way.

As for being a only child, I actually blogged about this awhile ago, when I wrote about a book I was reading called Only Child: How To Survive Being One. Although when I was younger, I sometimes wondered why I had no siblings, I don’t think ever really suffered from the lack of them. I think being an only child was actually rather beneficial, since it afforded me a lot of opportunities I would not otherwise have had. Although at the moment I am unmarried and therefore not planning a family in the immediate future, I often wonder whether or not I would like to have an only child myself. I seem to go between only wanting one, and wanting LOTS¹ (including to adopt some myself).

I have always known I am adopted, so there was never really a “realisation” on my part when things clicked into place and I realised I was different. I think my parents handled this situation extremely well and I can honestly say there has never been a period in my life where I have felt embarrassed about being adopted, and it’s common knowledge for everyone who knows me. It has never been hidden, although sometimes mum and I do snigger to ourselves when strangers or new acquaintances comment on how alike we look!? I think this attitude is very healthy and is definitely one I would recommend all adoptive parents try to cultivate in their child. Be as open with them as you can about where they come from (as far as is appropriate, obviously!) and their adoption will be seen as a part of who they are as opposed to an obstacle to be overcome.

As for my biological family, New Zealand is an extremely small country, which means that it would theoretically be relatively easy to find her simply by using the telephone book, but as of yet I have not made any serious attempts. Would I like to at some point? Yes. Absolutely. I think my “best case scenario” with regard to contact and a relationship with her would be that we get to know each other and become good friends. I don’t know that I would ever consider her a family member, but I would definitely like to have some form of positive contact with her in the future.

My parents and I on my birthday last year. Is it not blindingly obvious how alike my mother and I look? HAH!

If you would like to discuss this in more detail, or privately, please email me: kiwiholly87 [at] gmail [dot] com :)

1. All of whom WILL be named Agner, Jenny! :P [↩]