When I posted my Epic Health Update for March, I mentioned that a couple of people had made unkind comments about some of the side effects of my medication. Namely, the weight I have gained.
Before I go any further, I would just like to say that BY FAR the vast majority of people I have talked to, both in person and online, have been awesome, and wouldn’t dream of saying anything so insensitive or tactless.
But. There are exceptions to every rule, and, unfortunately for me, some of these exceptions are people I know, and people I did not realise would be so…well…mean!
In the last month or so, I have had someone say to me "You used to be pretty…[until you gained weight]" and another suggest that perhaps my weight gain wasn’t a result of Prednisone at all, and that perhaps I’d just gotten fat of my own accord, and was using the steroids as an excuse.
Classy, right? I bet you can guess what my face looked like after hearing these comments. But, in case you can’t, my makeup-less and poorly-lit self has staged a reenactment…
"Whaaat!?" – "Booooo" – "Grrrrrrr!"
I wasn’t upset straight away, simply because I was thinking "Did you SERIOUSLY just say what I think you said!?" Yes. Yes they did. And to go from bad to worse, both of them knew WHY I have gained weight. They also know what sort of treatment I’m having and why, so it’s not as if they were oblivious.
After I thought about them a bit though, I was definitely upset. I mean, who wouldn’t be hurt by someone telling them "You are unattractive because you are overweight", especially when the reason for gaining this weight in the first place is not only something I have virtually no control over, but is also part of treatment for a relatively serious and stressful medical condition.
Anyway! Before this post turns into a massive rant, with accidental overtones of "People were mean! Please feel sorry for me!", I should move along to say that after talking to some people in my life who DO have their heads screwed on straight, I have gained some perspective.
I really believe that saying that kind of tactless, unkind thing to someone says a whole lot more about you than it does about the person it’s aimed at.
As much as I sometimes wish I was witty enough to think of a snarky reply, I’m glad I didn’t. It wouldn’t have helped and, knowing me, I would have felt bad later about having been rude back, even if it was "deserved".
With a bit of thought, and time, neither of these comments are as hurtful as they were. Although I HAVE gained weight and I DO feel unattractive as a result, I also know that this is temporary, and for a purpose. In a year or two, I will hopefully be back to my normal self, and, even more importantly than that, I will hopefully be in remission!
I will also have the added knowledge of who in my life is worth spending time with and emotional energy on, and who is better off being either avoided entirely, or relegated to the Casual Acquaintance box. As crap as it is to find that kind of thing out this way, over such a sensitive topic, I’d rather know than not know.
In the meantime, I’m going to try not to think too hard about what other people say about me. There are more important things to do with my life….like contemplate how much longer I can restrain myself from opening the dark chocolate and mint Easter egg currently sitting on my kitchen table! ;-)
